Tuesday, January 06, 2009

i don't know what i'm feeling now, but what i know is, i'm lost. i know i've never really develop feelings for him(j) to any extend.

i'm just really jealous.

which girl do not want to have that perfect relationship? which girl do not want her bf to be there for her? to feel loved and needed? to love and be loved?

mr horny,

if you're reading this, which i know you will, and may not be happy about it. but all these time, i feel like i'm on my own. although i have a bf, i don't feel anything that should come from a relationship. can you even remember the last time you said you miss me? the number of times you will actually call randomly? how bout the last time you called me 'sugar' or 'baby'?

you know i hardly ask you for anything, all i want is us to go back to how we used to be, contented with each other's company,before all this crap even started. i wanted to put all my feelings on you, during that period of time when you were so sweet, but just when i'm confident enough and opened my heart to you again, you've gotta go back being the 'you' that i hate, making me heart broken all over again.

you were the one who wanted to meet and also the one who decided against that.
you were the one who wanted to talk about what went wrong, but also the one who did not want to talk in the end.

i've tried to change, but why do you have to make things so difficult? i'm really tired of quarrelling, which i think you can see, so why can't we just for once try to make things work?

from the bottom of your heart, do you still want to be with me for a lifetime? if not, then why are you still wasting your time? please just tell me, i really want to know what you are thinking.

love,
chanel

ps: fecking ankle sprained, there goes my jog..
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pss: on second thoughts, i think it should still be on! helps me take my mind of things.