Sunday, October 26, 2008
smoking kills
smoking is bad you bitch.but, i can get over it, can i? its not like i'm addicted or anything, its just 7 sticks a day, no biggie right???fucking clement chew fucking hell backstabbed me. who are you to say that i'm a waste of time, money and petrol??do you even know anything that me and him have gotten through?how dare you say i'm a waste of money when most of the time i've bee supporting myself??first you backstabbed my boyfrend and now me?who do you think you are you cunt?yes, i know that i maybe quite a bitch sometimes and I AM DETERMINED TO CHANGE, but that still do not give you the right to go around ruining other people's relationship and lives!for whatever you did in the past, yes, i still hate you for it, and now i know its fucking wrong of me to have hidden the fucking truth away from my bf, how much of a fucking hell bastard backstabber you can be. DO NOT say its annabelle's fib to try to get you when you bloody hell know what is your own fucking intentions when you fucking hell decided to ignore his calls. and for the rest of you fucking backstabbers out here, FUCKING HELL MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS! nobody needs your fucking opinions on the decisions they make and how they run their lives. DO NOT MESS WITH ME. don't say i didn't warn you.
♥ the last words are written at 2:57 PM
Monday, October 20, 2008
depression...
when will this feeling go away? when can i stop doubting his feelings for me? although i want to believe him, i can't stop feeling this way. getting really really scared. will we be able to get past this? i really want us to last, but it feels almost deja vu, the same feelings i had when feng wanted to leave me.
he keeps askin me to stop thinking, but how can i not? i try to keep up my facade but i can only do this much. how can i tell him that deep down inside, i am actually really scared and have no confidence in the future anymore.
i don't know what to do anymore. taking one step at a time.....
♥ the last words are written at 2:11 PM
Saturday, October 18, 2008
feelings of loss and a blood stained tissue
i have no idea why i am feeling this way. it feels like feng all over again or that a demetor has just stepped into my life, that i don;t feel like i want to be happy ever again. although we went to the verge of breaking up for good and it seemed like he don't really bother anymore, we did not. but then why do i still wake up feeling this way with tears on my pillow?
i still have not gained back my appetite, which may be a good reason for dieting and i found comfort in the most unlikeliest of places, jason.
we did not break up, but i don't know why, i had to cry when i woke up. went back to my old habit, only deeper than ever, that i had to use more than 3 tissues to stop it.
feeling a sense of grudge too, when i heard that the person whom i was pouring my heart out to was passing around the phone when i needed someone to talk to the most. friends, they are nothing but shit and a waste of time. i should learn to just invest my time in more meaningful people whom i know will be there for me.
love,
chanel
♥ the last words are written at 1:23 PM
Thursday, October 16, 2008
get this: i'm a model, not a friggin pornstar
i'm seriously sick of guys wanting to know me just so that they can get into my pants or under my shirt. i've had enough of it! i'm not a sex object that you guys can fantasize and try to get a touch here and a feel there you know. just so that i'm a model, does it mean i have to put up with this?? get this: i'm a model, not a friggin pornstar. much as i like the feeling of being accepted, i don't need you guys telling me that my pictures makes you hard or that you can't stop thinking of me. i may be all that, but i'm no slut.*end of rant*school is getting really boring. just watched a video by Randy Pausch and i can say that he is a really good speaker. too bad he has to pass away so young. really inspired by his last lecture, titled 'the last lecture'. it talks more on how he tries to achieve all his childhood dreams and he makes things sound so achievable. he is like all of us, having had alot of setbacks in his life, like not being able to be accepted into Brown. he's a inspiratonalist.getting really tired these days. sick and tired(literally) of everything. as i sit here,wishing to be Rip Van Wrinkle, where he fell asleep and not wake up after 50 years, thinking maybe that's a good idea! that'swhat i should do, just sleep and not wake up, till maybe my prince come and kiss me awake. =) what a great way to wake up to. except without the bad breathe and crusty eyes i don't think i'll mind such a fairytale.'experience is what you get when you don't get what you wanted'randy pauschlove,chaneldo you know what happen to the boy who got everything in the end??he lived happily ever after...
♥ the last words are written at 12:20 PM
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
ipod down!!
oh god, ipod is permenently down! i went online to check out their support system and nothing seems to work! haiz.although he is back, somehow things seems really strained between us. he seems to have changed a lil. he'll be going into army soon and later going on to further his studies overseas. and yet, he still seemed confident that we will be able to get through all of it. despite it, the future of us still seems really bleak. i love him, alot. but i'm really scared to face the future.love,chanel
♥ the last words are written at 9:07 AM
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
sick sick sick
sorry of being so stagnant these few days. been really sick that i even missed my test!updates:-mr horny's back at last!-phone went berserk on me.(anyone to lend me a phone?)-became damn sick for the past few days and started to puke blood-still damn sick but still going strong!-mr horny was out of the sudden really really nice as he fetched me to and fro from schoolon the way to school today, a guy boarded the bus who looks terribly like mr horny, when he was younger. terribly tanned and thin, with almost the same bushy brows and 'out-of-bed' hair! scary.........signing off!lovechanel
♥ the last words are written at 9:00 AM
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
10th & 11th day
10th day
met up with shu fang to get her RX-7 'toy car', one which she will have to fix herself. but somehow, she managed to get yan ming to do it for her. she found out that kaman(her bf) had gone to buy groceries with that ribena gal and got really pissed, which somehow, led me to feel really insecure. god knows what mr horny is doing over in china.
aww man, i just wish he will come back asap.
11th day
2 more days and he'll be back!! can't wait!!!
met up with kel to chat and catch up. its been so long man. we could'nt stop talking~! its so good to chat up with old friends, it seems like she has known me forever and its just so easy to talk to someone you know really well.
You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl, don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way, you're never gonna shake me
Oh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby
'always be my baby' by david cook/mariah carey.reminds me of him and i love him so much for that. <3>
discussions discussions discussions. how do i get to the airport?? go to work and then wait for mr horny's mum to fetch me there? meet up with shu fang and wait for kaman's parents to get us there? meet up with shu fang and get yan ming to fetch us there? OR meet up with shu fang and cab there??
2 MORE DAYS till he is back!!!
and what's more?
MY PP GOT ACCEPTED AT LAST~~!!! *pops champaign*
love
chanel
♥ the last words are written at 8:56 PM
