Saturday, October 18, 2008

feelings of loss and a blood stained tissue

i have no idea why i am feeling this way. it feels like feng all over again or that a demetor has just stepped into my life, that i don;t feel like i want to be happy ever again. although we went to the verge of breaking up for good and it seemed like he don't really bother anymore, we did not. but then why do i still wake up feeling this way with tears on my pillow?

i still have not gained back my appetite, which may be a good reason for dieting and i found comfort in the most unlikeliest of places, jason.

we did not break up, but i don't know why, i had to cry when i woke up. went back to my old habit, only deeper than ever, that i had to use more than 3 tissues to stop it.

feeling a sense of grudge too, when i heard that the person whom i was pouring my heart out to was passing around the phone when i needed someone to talk to the most. friends, they are nothing but shit and a waste of time. i should learn to just invest my time in more meaningful people whom i know will be there for me.

love,
chanel